January 2010
39 posts
“I’m constantly bewildered by the scope of my vision at odds with the...”
– zuluthrone
I been fighting against the crazy. The crazy, she comes, she feeds like parasite. She grows, she suffocates with her love.
I love the crazy. But she too strong for me. I cannot breathe because of the crazy. But she keeps her arms open. And I cannot resist the crazy.
The crazy, she comes, like whirlwinds, and I run to the crazy.
Because I cannot escape the crazy. She’s too good to...
I am currently reading Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, Orwell’s 1984, and Huxley’s Brave New World. I am also slowly watching Moon.
Absolutely fascinating reads. And a brilliant movie.
“Now I’m older, now much older And...
Daze
More often than not, I lose faith in the ability of regular everyday people to pull themselves together and actually work to become something. I live as a cynic, scoffing at people’s attempts to better themselves because most times, it’s all talk and no show. However, every now and then, a little spark comes out of someone that I instinctively feel a genuine belief towards....
It feels as if I’ve forgotten how to move my finger. That’s how unresponsive it is. The severed tendons and broken bone all need to heal already…I’m getting really impatient with this crap.
There are times when it’s really important to just shut up. I should know this by now.
[Femi Kuti speaking] One thing I want to assure...
“See what I’ve done
That bridge is on...
You know what?
I have nothing but love and joy in my life.
Tis awesome :)
secretshhshh:
my baby finally committed suicide. need to take it in for life support tomorrow.
thank god for the genius bar.
They offeres me a job as a Genius once you know. I declined.
Sigh…So much for no serious injury. I have now officially broken something for the first time in two and a half years.
—-sadbuj—-
18 days. That’s how long I managed to go without a hospital visit since the new year started…can’t even type right now. On the bright side, I’m actively taking care of myself :)
Stake your claim on my territory, bitch, cause shit will fly. We’re doing this. We’re making it happen. And I don’t care whether you’re on board or not.
Let the fun begin.
“Outstanding.”
“And yes, it seems as though I’m...
Heads up!
I have come to really enjoy the use of Tumblr as a Weblog, so I have decided to move both the Personal Conversations and 120D5 series onto here. Each series has its own dedicated page.
For the Personal Conversations series, go here.
For the 120D5 series, go here.
Please note that neither of these series are regularly updated, as they both require a lot of time and effort. However, should you...
Interesting Map of the Parts of the Body That We... →
aka: How classy is a particular genre?
Warning: NSFW
…but seriously, one meeting should not prompt a crisis.
In other news, all fronts are getting slammed. So, dear readers, god knows when I’ll post something interesting on here again.
“The beauty is in what you make it,
So get up on your feet.”
– Chase This Light - Jimmy Eat World
I want to believe. Really, I do. But it’s so hard to keep faith when all the evidence points the other way.
Me: Let's say, hypothetically, that you're correct. Let's say I am nothing but a coward now. Can you explain to me how I got to be like this?
Anon: Simple. You let go of yourself. You became too engrossed in living for others. You stopped caring about yourself, and since then, you've been on a decline.
Me: I know I'm on a decline...it's hit me recently and it's keeping me up, talking to you. All of this time alone has brought that to light and its seriously fucking me up inside.
Anon: So you've finally realized it. You're not who you once were. You're a shadow, a shadow of yourself. All of the potential and expectations and hope and trust and love that EVERYONE put into you is being overwhelmed by your own despair.
Me: The problem is, I don't understand why I'm in such a shitty state.
Anon: It's simple. You're nothing but a shell right now. You take on the world and shield your loved ones from the terrible things they face, always hurting for hem or with them. Your friend over there, whatever her name was, I remember you telling me that she thought it was like you actually liked the idea of suffering.
Me: I don't, and you know that very well.
Anon: Yes, but there isn't anyone right now that knows you anything close to like how I do. You've got this need to keep going, to hold to your beliefs and strengths, even when everything you knew and understood about your own social "experiments" and mind games have gone wrong.
Me: Have I really gotten that bad?
Anon: Dude, if you were with me and all of us were together like how it used to be, we'd all have left you in the dust. You're burnt out. You're nothing, you're absolutely useless. And you'll continue to be that way until you finally become the person we're all expecting you to be?
Me: They expected me to change the world. They set such high standards for me, always making me rise to greater challenges, all while pulling everyone up with me. I can't even get along with my closest sources of comfort..it's too much.
Anon: Then we were either seriously mistaken about your capabilities, or you just need to shut up and get things done instead of moping about it. And let me tell you, I seriously doubt its the former as your uncle, may he rest in peace, was NEVER wrong about you. And he knew that you're nowhere near out of gas. I hope you enjoyed your break, cause you're going to be picking up your pieces and emerging better than ever before.
Me: And it's not even an option to just let me rest and forget about everything?
Anon: You know damn well you couldn't live like that in peace. Whether you like it or not, you're going to return someday. And when you do, I hope you enjoy your honeymoon with everyone you love because things are going to be harder than ever before.
Me: Oh good, because that really makes me want to leave and do something instead of just lazing around.
Anon: Shut up. You know it does. Now take your time, learn your despair, fix it, and come back an improved vessel.
Me: I should have been born as a roach.
The Last Question →
“Does it hurt knowing that everything you love eventually completely sucks?”
“That’s not true…it doesn’t hurt so much as throb sadly in the spots I used to hold love in.”
- Something Positive
This latest excursion has truly left me wondering whether it is finally time to leave the people and places I call loved and close behind. Every single day, the...
I’m alternating between listening to death metal-grindcore and a lot of indie pop and trip hop.
Methinks I am in a confused state of mind.
“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you...”
– Ernest Hemingway
